The Green eyed monster

Jealousy is perhaps most visible in our lives and in our society, not first of all in public life as a whole, though we'll come to that in just a moment, but within our families. Perhaps the most common place in which we find jealousy is between brother and sister, brother and brother, sister and sister. We call it sibling rivalry. And that rivalry often turns into a jealousy which is just plain hard to handle.

Some of you have seen the movie "Ferris Bueller's Day Off." If you haven't seen "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" I highly recommend it to you. Every teen probably here has seen it, but let me tell you that every parent of a teenager needs to see it too!! If you think you are in charge of your children, here's an eye-opening (and highly amusing) movie which assures you that you are not in charge of your children. There's a wonderful scene where Ferris Bueller is trying (and he does it successfully) to convince his parents that he is as sick as a dog and there is no possible way that he can go to school on this particular day. He has all kinds of plans up his sleeve and his parents are going along with this. Here's Ferris on his bed, there are his parents leaning over him, and standing behind the parents in Ferris' younger sister. And her eyes could kill. She is saying silently to Ferris, "You get away with murder." And openly to her parents, "Don't believe a word that he is saying here" as Ferris convinces his parents that he ought to spend the day in bed, which he has no intention of doing, instead of going to school. And she is just jealous as she can be, insanely jealous of this brother, who is so good at twisting other people around his little finger and does it time and time again with his parents. I believe my children know the answer to this and maybe others do too: I think this was the ninth time that semester, the ninth time that he had wrangled his way out of going to school. But there she is, insanely jealous of this brother who manages to twist his parents around his finger every time he tries to do that.

Amusing in that situation, but it gets more serious, doesn't it, when you turn back to the pages of scripture! Where do we go? Right to the beginning.

We go to Cain and Abel and the jealousy there because of an offering to God which was more pleasing from one than from the other.

We go to Jacob and Esau. Jacob jealous of his older brother's birthright.

We go to the story of Joseph and his brothers. Joseph tells his brothers about a dream he had about his prominence. How he's going to rise up and rule them one day. And well, you can well imagine what's going to happen. They're going to be jealous of this young whippersnapper. And so they are. So jealous in fact that they take him and they throw him away into a pit where he is taken off and sold into slavery.

Jealousy. We see it in sibling rivalry all the time. In fact, we see it as well in the New Testament in the story Jesus told of the prodigal son. The one who comes back to God and his father in the story, back to the father in the story, an image for God. And when he comes back, who is waiting there but the older brother! And the older brother can not believe that the father in the story is going to forgive this one who has squandered the inheritance that was given to him. But the father does. The father does.

Jealousy. We see it in our families. We see it in childhood. We see it unfortunately not only in childhood in families. We often see it going on in families when children grow older. It doesn't mean when you're no longer in the same house as one another that that jealousy, that rivalry ceases. Some adults live with that all their lives long -- that competitiveness continues in a way which tears apart families.

But we see it as well outside of families, don't we? We see it in places of work. We see it in the world as a whole. We see it with our colleagues. We see it with our competitors and sometimes our colleagues become our competitors. They are promoted and we are not. They have a gift and ability that we don't have. Or we may have it but somebody doesn't see it in us and we are jealous that they always get the limelight when we are slaving away and nobody seems to notice what we are doing.

You remember the movie, (we're into movies today plays today!), Amadeus - the story of Mozart. It really is based upon the conflict, the jealousy between Mozart and Salieri, another composer. Mozart has the gift and there is no question about it. It flows so easily and it's all so perfect, the music that he composes and Salieri is a good musician, a great musician; he can compose, but it's just not the same and he looks at Mozart and says, "What am I to do? How can I compete with this one who has such a gift as this?"

Well, we move into the theater if you think about the theater, think of Othello. Shakespeare's Othello. A story that is based upon jealousies. Jealousies that are stirred up. Iago's jealousy of Cassio. Iago, an older soldier, passed over for promotion because of a younger soldier, Cassio, who has come into Othello's life. And Othello thinks that this is the one to promote -- and Iago is insanely jealous. He says at one point in the play (and doesn't this hit home, doesn't it describe jealousy as well as any definition?), "He hath daily beauty in his life that makes me ugly." He hath daily beauty in his life that makes me ugly. Somebody does something and we somehow begin to feel small or ugly and insignificant in the face of what is going on there.

That jealousy, that jealousy in Iago's life continues until he wants to destroy both Cassio and Othello. And so he stirs up jealousy within Othello against his wife, against Desdemona, so that Othello doesn't know his left hand from his right hand; doesn't know what is true or what is false; so confused about whether his wife has been faithful to him or faithless to him and whether Cassio is involved with his wife or not. The jealousy is stirred up within him. All the while, Iago is insisting that he is a good person, warning, warning, ever warning, Othello of the dangers of jealousy. Saying, "Oh beware, my lord, of jealousy. It is the green-eyed monster which mocks the meat it feeds on."

But of course, Iago has no intention of stopping Othello's jealousy from running its full course and so it does. The jealousy turns into jealous rage and in the end, Othello kills the woman that he loves. Destroys his own life too. Jealousy.

There's a certain sense in Othello that jealousy may be legitimate: Iago's is not but Othello's in a sense is. Are we not to be jealous at times of those who are ours, within our household, within our family? If we weren't jealous in some sense or another, we would let them do this or that and our whole families would fall apart. The scriptures speak about God being jealous. Jealous, jealous when we give our allegiance, our hearts, to a god who is not a god. God, the scripture says, is a jealous God. There are ways in which relationships work, in which there must be a holding-together and if we do not do something to hold those together, then all of life and society falls apart. There is a time, I suppose, when jealousy is legitimate.

But the issue we have to deal with generally when it comes to jealousy is not whether or not there is ever a time that it is legitimate. The question is not is there a good jealousy or a bad jealousy. The question ultimately is this: Will jealousy, whether legitimate or not, whatever form it is, will it control us or will we control it? Even if it's legitimate. Even if we say it's right at this time. Will it, like a horse coming out of the barn, take us for a ride until both horse and rider are destroyed? Or will we be in charge of it, should those feelings, should those emotions stir up within us? How do we control jealousy even if we think that at this particular time in this particular way, maybe it's justified?

Or, let me put it like this, in terms of our passage of scripture. In the chapters that follow in 1 Samuel after chapter 18, how do we become less like Saul, locked up in his jealousy, and more like Jonathon, his son? If I were to read the story and to continue the story, what we would discover is that Jonathan, Saul's son, is in no way, shape or form, jealous of David. It's a fascinating contrast. Saul is insanely jealous and perhaps, in fact, he's insane. But he is insanely jealous. But his son, Jonathan is not jealous at all. Saul cannot understand this. He turns to Jonathan and says, "You've got to do something about this David. He is going to take the throne away from you if his popularity continues. He will be become king instead of you. You must kill him and get rid of him." And Jonathan knows it. But does nothing. He is his friend and that's all he sees. There is no hint of jealousy within him. How can this be, this one who had more right to be jealous even than Saul? How can it be that he has no jealousy and Saul is filled with it? It controls him.

But what makes the difference? What makes the difference when there are situations which look the same, between growing insanely jealous, and rejoicing with those who rejoice? Is the problem and the situation out there? Or is the problem in the heart in here?

Where do we find the solution? If we were to turn back to Shakespeare, we'd find in Othello that Shakespeare believed that the problem is very clearly in the heart right here.

As Desdemona wrestles with Othello's growing jealousy, she cries out to Amelia, "I never

So what's going on in the inside? What is it that makes the difference? Two words. Two relatively brief words that I think make a whole lot of difference. The first is just a little bit of pop-psychology. And the second truly has to do with our faith, though I think that both of them ultimately have to do very much with our faith. The first thing has to do with our self image. The second thing has to do with our sense of call. Our self image and our sense of call.

Isn't it true that when we feel that our esteem is high and our lives are worthwhile that we have significance and competence, a certain measure of power and control in our lives and virtue that we can pursue, that we really don't worry about others? When these things are in doubt within our lives, then our focus begins to be placed on others. And we want from them what we cannot seem to get for ourselves.

What do we need to instill in teenagers need in order to feel a good sense of self image?
Significance.

They need to know they're important in the sight of other people who are important to them.

They need competence. A sense that they can do something well, whatever it may be that
makes a genuine contribution.

They need a sense of power. Not ultimate control, but a sense that their decisions play a part in the whole decision-making process of life. At a time when decisions have been made for them by others, they need to begin to enter that process of decision making.

They need Virtue.

They need to be pursuing something in life that they think to be good and worthy.

They need to be on a work camp or they need to be doing something at school in which they feel this is right and this is good.

And it's true not only for teenagers. It's true for all of us, isn't it? But when those things are attacked, when they are not there, our self image goes down and we begin to focus on others around about us and we cannot handle them and their success and their popularity as once we could.

As I said, God has everything to do with this sense of self image. It is God surely who gives to us above everything else our significance. Our sense of competence. By God's spirit, as Galatians says, God longs to come into our lives and to live within us, building up a life of virtue; giving to us the power we need in order to do what God calls us to do.

But more than that, God longs to lift us up by giving us, a call. A sense that no matter where we are and what we do, we can fulfill God's purpose in our life and there is nothing, there is nothing that affects our self image as much as this sense that we are, with our gifts, with our abilities, where God wants us to be.

There will always be others who do more than us. Who are better than us. The Mozarts of this life who are somewhere out there in left field. There will always be friends who are just that much ahead of us. They always have been. They always will be.

But the real question is not where they are, but where we are. Are we with God? With the gifts God has given us? In the place where God wants us to be? Are we at that place? For if we are, we will find that jealousy will not dog us. We'll be tempted, to be sure, but jealousy will not dog us or control us, and that ultimately is the issue. Some never seem to be tempted; others tempted all their lives. Some control it; others don't.

May God save us and deliver us. May God give to us a sense of God's purpose and call within our lives so that we know that as we are, we are loved by God and can serve God, are significant to God and can be empowered by God to do God's will. May you know this this day and be delivered from jealousy's power. Let's bow before God in prayer.