Serial Monogamy

What is it and why am I talking about it?

Serial Monogamy has become an epidemic in our community. People jumping from one relationship to the next with barely anytime to breathe. This seems to have become the norm since the AIDS epidemic became real to us. We figure if we’re only fucking one person at a time we can still get our rocks off for an indiscriminate short period of time until we’re ready to move on the next victim.

Is this healthy for us? It’s great for the Serial Monogamist; let’s call them S.M. (not to be confused with S&M) but what about the victims he or she leaves in their wake?

The S.M. isn’t just motivated by sex; they have issues with being alone. If you were to track the history of an S.M. you would see a pattern develop. Their relationships tend to last 6 months to a year in general. At the 3 month mark in any relationship people start to show their real colours. Breath checks become less important, you start to see holes in socks and underwear that weren’t there before. At 6 months you start to take the little things they do for granted, and their little quirks that used to be cute are now becoming annoying.

Is there something psychologically wrong with the S.M.? Well if selfishness was a disease they’d have it. Otherwise no, there’s nothing medically wrong with them. We’re living in a society of fear that forces people to think for self first and last!

What people don’t seem to realize is… relationships are work. Hard Work! In our technological dependence we have become spoiled and lazy. With internet dating we have increased our reach and therefore dating possibilities tenfold. How many times have you gone to a restaurant and been overwhelmed by the amount of items on the menu? When we are given too many options people tend to mix and match or choose an item but make substitutions. This is what dating has become in our larger cities. You’ll notice in smaller towns and cities that the marriage rate is larger per capita. Why? Because their options are narrowed and it’s easier to make a decision. I don’t know for sure, but I bet you the divorce rate is also lower.

We’ve been told not to settle for anything less than what we deserve. So when the person we are dating disappoints us we up and leave knowing that there are a multitude of other options out there for us. But are we over exaggerating our worth? Or are we just unable to make a decision? The first step to any solution is identifying the problem. If you realize you are a Serial Monogamist and you’re ready to break the cycle, there are steps you can take to changing your behavior.

Make a list of the qualities you want in a partner. – Not the superficial ones, but the important ones, like (good parent, likes the outdoors, ambition, or even gets along with your mom!) Whatever it is that will keep you happy in a relationship.

Communication – Let the person you are involved with know and understand your intentions, if you are confused, let them know; if you’re just looking for some booty let, let them know; if you are looking for a relationship, let them know. Don’t set yourself up for disappointment by making assumptions.

Put in the effort – Stop being lazy. Make an effort to try to understand your partner. They are not going to be perfect, they will make mistakes and they may even hurt you (your feelings not physically) but you have to shake that off and work through the problems.

Check your baggage at the door- Don’t bring your past issues in your previous relationships into the new one, or else you’ll have the same issues.

Follow these pointers in not only your romantic relationships but all your relationships and you’ll start to see positive changes in yourself. Self reflection is probably the most effective and cheapest form of therapy. You have it all inside of you, you just have to be willing to believe in your power to set it free.